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People often tell me that one of the most frustrating experiences in online dating is finally finding someone to message in a sea of profiles, then waiting to eventually hear… Nothing. Unfortunately, data suggest that this scenario is all too common. You need better content. Because a girl like you is hard to find. In a classic study , Kleinke, Meeker, and Staneski found that cute-flippant lines were the least desirable form of introduction, especially among women, who are often the targets of such advances. That is, they were copying and pasting. But if you do find yourself constantly laboring over what to say, it might help to work from a template that you can adapt to each person.

Status message

Average response time online dating Average response time online dating That was doing this . A response time?


Picture this online dating scenario:.

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Sadly, this is a typical story. Some people, however, get much better. We will not be dispensing generic advice.

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At least in terms of using your time efficiently, your messages should be much shorter. The y-axis is reply percentage; the x-axis is message length, in characters; and the two lines are as follows. Red is the ratio of messages that get any reply. Green is the ratio of messages that get a reply that in turn gets replied to by the original sender.

Average response time online dating

The idea is that this is the ultimate goal of the first message: to start a conversation with someone. Messages sent by guys are, overall, only about half as likely to get replies as similar messages from women. All those were actual first messages, by the way. Now, our graph clearly shows that in raw terms, it helps guys to write longer messages. But when we factor in the actual time it takes to compose a given message, it becomes clear that in terms of time put in vs.

Here's how many messages men have to send to women on a dating site to be sure of getting a response

If we imagine that people type messages at about characters per minute, we get the following table:. Yes, brevity is key. Something we learned building SparkNotes, in our pre-OkCupid days. Savor this advice, men, for there are not many things in your world that fit this paradigm. For women, the most efficient message is even shorter.

The shortest messages get almost the best absolute response rate, and the reply rate actually goes down as messages approach extreme length.

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Apparently, after about words charactersyou start scaring people off. A message like that is the online equivalent of a face tattoo. Of your life story. Incredibly enough, the optimal first outreach from a woman to a man is just 50 characters long! On the one hand, such a superficial reality is depressing.

Easily improve your online dating response rate

No human has read any actual user messages. So the first data point on the graph is messages of length 0—50, next is 51—, and so on.

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Online dating advice: optimum message length

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