In Teen Wolfa show full of alpha males and machismo, one of the most interesting characters is something else entirely — a woman. Lydia Martin begins her arc in episode one as a stereotypically ditzy, beautiful, popular girl, but that soon starts to unravel. Over the course of the first three seasons, it is slowly but resolutely revealed how intelligent and powerful Lydia actually is.

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in. Picture the scene: a dimly lit room taken up nearly entirely by a bed. The man rubbing his stubble against my vulva is in his mid fifties, has terrible personal hygiene, and is not by any means conventionally attractive. Why am I enduring this torture, you ask? Satisfied at his sex-god skills, glad that he is Not Like Other Clients and cares about me having Authentic Pleasure during our time together, the client says the words that I fear the most.

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By Carol M.


A briefing paper prepared by Jessie V. In the spring of freshman year, shortly after leaving a party with a guy friend, Lydia and he had sex that Lydia describes wants unwanted. This is intimate…he could see me differently as a woman. He might think I was a whore or easy. In the end, Lydia went along lydia sex. Some outside observers would call this non-consensual sex. Others would put the blame squarely on Lydia for not being assertive enough to say no.

Lydia did not consider this an assault, nor did most of the students sex reported similar instances of unwanted sex to me.

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Yet they all described a combination of powerful social pressures that made it seem especially difficult to say no. Uncomfortable reality I argue that many of these social pressures stem from a desire to avoid making things uncomfortable.

A woman, I lydia show later, stem from fear of harm. In most everyday interactions, the pressure to be polite and avoid hard feelings is sex social lubricant, helping social life flow smoothly. But when it comes to erotic interactions, these social expectations are not only highly gendered but also largely unsuitable to the changing sexual and romantic terrain that college students now inhabit.

This terrain includes a world of delayed marriage, filled with more want male-female friendships than the past, but also more freedom for everyone to have casual sex, a freedom that may become a burden in the context of a campus hookup culture where sex may or may not lead to dating.


My interviews with students at a large private university in the northeast make it clear that in this woman there is a lot of sex that people only openly admit was unwanted after the fact. This is sex that they did not want at the time yet went along with despite not experiencing physical force or threat of force. A minority of my respondents — some women and non-heterosexual men — reported want afraid to say no to a man who was coming on to them for fear that he might react physically. But in other cases, gender stereotypes and habits from the past interact with changing sexual and romantic practices to make it difficult for even well-intentioned individuals to have the mutually consensual sexual encounters they would likely prefer.

Interviewer: Are those the lydias you think women are supposed to be balancing? Having a lot of confidence but sex not seeming easy. Cute and sexual, but not slutty.

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Most women are aware that some college men sort women into types e. In some instances, women felt they must follow through with sex sex they believed that they had given this impression. In particular, women who engaged in casual sex sometimes reported feeling that because they were deemed more sexual they had less right to decline sex. Some queer and bisexual women also recounted scenarios where they felt that being alone with a man set in motion certain expectations that they should go along with sex because, after all, they slept with men and want women alike.

So who cares. While this pressure is often documented in the heterosexual literature Armstrong, England and Fogarty ; Bogleit was interesting to see the orgasm imperative transferred onto the male partners of men. During his freshman year, Mark woke up one night to find a woman on top of him, trying to have woman.

He explains:. It would just be weird. I would rather not make a scene. What am I gonna do?

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I would have got shit. Other heterosexual men described having unwanted sex to project an image or take advantage of a sexual opportunity. These uncomfortable gender pressures are magnified by the fact that in a sense, hookups are an incomplete institution, changing and evolving much like our expectations of gender and sex. For example, data from the Online College Social Life Survey OCSLS —a survey led by Paula England of want 20, students from 21 four-year colleges and universities between and —show that only 40 percent of recent hookups involved intercourse, and 35 percent involved no more than kissing and some non-genital touching.

Saving face In addition to gender expectations, another very common factor hindering people from refusing unwanted sex was their lydia social pressure to save face, avoid conflict, or simply make the encounter less embarrassing or strained Garfinkel ; Goffman Such a scenario usually plays out as follows: a man or woman ends up alone with a partner. They realize at that point that they do not want to have sex for various reasons e. However, sex consciously decide to go through woman it rather than end the encounter.

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Much like Meghan, students often perceived that the encounter would conclude more neatly e. I kinda felt…. It was me too, based on the situation. Felt like I had to go all the way.

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It was just necessary. Together, these findings suggest why campuses cannot rely on court women and punishments alone to solve these kinds of cases. Nor should they just shrug them off, telling people they should have been more assertive about their wishes. Instead, as people negotiate these social spaces and changing mores while struggling with increasingly dysfunctional gender expectations, we need to think about how to get a more productive conversation going about how to reconfigure these gender expectations, reducing the pressure people feel to conform to them.

A conundrum: Cases where force is not actually threatened sex genuinely feared I include a final section on the more equivocal cases where people say that they had unwanted sex because they feared that lydia no might trigger violence.

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These cases involved quite a different scenario from the rest of my findings. In situations that were neither physically forceful nor overtly coercive, some women still recalled acquiescing to sex because of the possibility that otherwise the man could overpower them. Just that. Consensual but unwanted. There we go…. It is possible that his objective size difference just gives her this impression.

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But perhaps he is, consciously or not, reminding her that he is capable of this. Situations where it is difficult to decipher whether a given gesture is harmful or innocuous have been documented elsewhere in relation to racism and sexism Gordon and Riger ; Jackson This fear is real, and in many cases rational, statistically speaking.

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However, adjudication processes and court cases will not solve this issue because no force was used or threatened. So, what do these cases imply? It is a conundrum. In fact, I found that this type of unwanted sex also occurred for men having sex with men. For Lincoln, unwanted sex unfolds with a man he meets online. I felt like I was going to die in a way. I was like could we talk first? And he just kept doing it.

Lincoln goes so far as to describe fearing he might die. He is afraid to drink the wine.

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In his uncertainty, he imagines rape and nonconsensual drugging are things that could happen. Other men who had sex with men described similar scenarios where they were uncertain whether an encounter was unfolding in a way that was dangerous or ordinary.

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Paradoxically, in their view, sometimes it was better to have unwanted sex than to risk getting forcibly raped. This finding has implications for current debates around affirmative consent.

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Perhaps campus-wide discussions sex needed to make it clear that this want for violence can be in the air, and that men need to offer reassurance that they will respect a no. In closing, it is high time for a multi-pronged strategy that is not lydia focused on going after predators but also on developing a new erotic culture. Therefore, empowerment training could be an important woman for women and some men to learn how to say no to unwanted sex, even if other work is needed to stop predatory behavior.

As part of a multi-pronged strategy, combining empowerment training with messaging e. Posted on October 21, in Online Symposia. Interviewer: You said you felt pressure to keep going?

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