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Farah

What is my age: 32

Jesus, Jes, I really really like this. If there's anything I can add, it would be that nobody likes how they look in photos - at first. Photographs are the easiest way to take of all of our physical "flaws" in one go; and those perceived flaws are different in all of us. It may take time, but the more you do it, the more you will come to look at your own body as a work of art. Like the abstract painting, you find new meaning and sensuality in the lines of your body; a photographer and I use the term loosely, anyone with a camera will do has captured you as a work of art, and you will come to appreciate your body as such.

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In this day and age, a man should be free to like what he likes without judgment.

About

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When I was 5 years old, I was in love with my next door neighbor, David. He was charming and funny, older than me, smart, close in proximity, had blonde hair, and his mom always let me stay for dinner.

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The whole package really. I want to say he liked me back—I mean, he kissed me, and I feel like that means like-like, right?

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But the second anyone came around, he called me ugly and fat and made jokes about me. And this is how most of my relationships have gone over the years. For a long time, I thought I just had horrible taste in men.

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Is this speculation? I explored dating men ificantly older than me for a long time because I craved the maturity. But they want every meeting in private.

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Then, I tried all the plus-size dating apps. And that was basically a recipe for disaster. The ideas are incredible in theory; a whole community of people who are happy and excited to date a plus-size person. But they were all rife with people who viewed my extra body fat as a kink.

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Which is why…. The worst part is that when I first started dating, I looked at these as compliments. I was so excited that someone was into me that I never allowed myself to feel the discomfort.

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August 22, Log In Good to see you again.

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