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The list includes almost 8, addresses of domestic and foreign Muslims all of whom are viewed as highly valuable candidates by U. There are just too many qualified competitors for far too few positions. So if you want your to garner the attention it deserves, be read by top officials and highlighted in the massive database used to store information on you, follow the simple steps below on how to finally get noticed.

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This is the most important step to getting your foot in the door. Brown particularly in an orange jumpsuit is the new black.

1) be brown.

But to get recognized at the top level of government, brown skin is the minimal requirement. Candidates must look the part. Whites, in this rare case, have it harder. Remember Brandon Mayfield? He was the Oregon lawyer who in was falsely accused of involvement in the Madrid train bombings. Although Mayfield is Muslim, he had to work extra hard to fight for attention. So brown is good, in a bad way.

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Not even sure if they have electricity, let alone a computer with a valid address? No worries. Send the anyway. Extra attention is given to s sent to Muslim countries with U. So take a jaunt through your family tree and identify that one family member no one seems to talk to anymore.

That person is most likely in some form of terror training currently. More points are awarded if the address has Muhammad in it. Gill decided to go a different route — instead of sticking out, he decided to fit in.

Learn from the professionals.


Refrain from editing yourself or questioning whether or not it is a good idea to explain in characters or less why Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi will make a strong caliph. Remember, he is your Pope! Treat him like one.

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So why not let all 30 of your Twitter followers and Facebook friends know that you believe such things? Look, government officials are no different than you and I. Their interest is piqued by the same things ours is — like pictures of women in lingerie, or love letters to Taliban boyfriends. You need to be active to get noticed. Going to well know locations where Muslims congregate will quickly get you on the radar of organizations like the NYPD. Once there, anything you do will be seen as suspicious and surveillance-worthy! Also, befriend radical provocateurs at your local gatherings.

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Men like Craig MonteilhShahed Hussainand Mahmood Siddiqui, who tend to look and talk in a disturbed manner, are most likely government plants. Get to know them.

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Pop quiz! How many people have the F. More than Yes, the F. If you want to receive their attention, look desperate and alone. The NSA likes candidates who are worldly.

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Dust off your passport, get your visas stamped, and travel to exotic locales like Mogadishu, Fallujah, or Dearborn, Michigan. The more you roam, the greater your chance will be of scoring a high ranking on the No Fly List — like Rahinah Ibrahima Ph. But remember: always wear clean underwear. Many people have to go through this process; consider it a minor tollgate to getting the right attention. If you have given charity in the past, but have yet to curry favor with government officials, keep giving.

A practical guide for getting a foothold in the terrorist marketplace.

The charitable organization you gave to can always be retroactively added to the watch list and officials love to see how financially committed you are to helping others. Just ask the Holy Land five who used to run the largest legitimate Muslim charity only to be arrested and convicted on charges of material support for terrorism.

You can only wish to be so fortunate! When the bombs went off during the Boston Marathon, authorities combed the immediate area for potential suspects.

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Though seemingly young, Al-Harbi and Barhoum are seasoned veterans at being noticed. They showed up to a popular event with brown skin, and within hours received the attention of the whole nation. Let me tell you a story: there was a man who was sick and tired of constantly being ignored by government officials.

So, he did something insane and completely un-Islamic — he kidnapped young girls. Now, we all know that man to be the leader of Boko Haram. He knew he was dealing with tough competition, so he upped the ante. Government officials want to see proactive go-getters who think outside of the box.

Just do!

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If all else fails, go about your day as a freedom-loving, U. This will surely raise the suspicion of your Fox News-watching neighbors who, with any luck, will report you to one of several government agencies.

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