I was one foot in, one foot out in my new romantic relationship. On one hand, I thought my boyfriend was fun, gregarious, and loving.

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Ever have one of those magical unicorn first dates? Where everything they say, everything you talk about, everything they seem to be… too good to be true? Even though you want to and you should! This is the stage where you are both feeling each other out to see if you make a good match. Before you get ahead of yourself, use these expert tips on how to manage your expectations and not put that horse before the ever-important carriage:. It is important to realize that the only expectations you should set, should be with yourself.

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Are you wondering how to stop unmet expectations from ruining your relationship? Do you find yourself constantly disappointed with your partner and thinking about ending it?


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More often than not, I used to arrive on a first date with a goal in mind. Sometimes, it was just to leave feeling successful, with the promise of a second date that might turn into a relationship. Other times, it'd be to kiss them and ultimately sleep with them. So with these intentions in mind, I could never just go with the flow.

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Chalk it up to me being a serious organizer, but I liked to have order, and I liked going into a date with a plan. Over time, I've come to realize that by going into dates with the expectation of something — whether big or small — you're setting yourself up for failure.

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Sometimes, people can't live up to this concept you've depicted in your head. We overestimate the success of a situation and end up feeling let down, confused as to why expectations just couldn't be as you imagined. Everything happens for a reason, right? And things always tend to fall into place when you're not even trying.

While it's easier said than done, just sitting back and forcing yourself not to actively look for something in this case, sex or love will feel so much better when it actually does just fall into your lap. Going into meeting with no expectations whatsoever means you don't change who you are for someone else.

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You simply act as you would in any day-to-day situation without actively searching for someone to date. Then, you're more likely to find a meaningful connection because someone will find you and appreciate you for you. And that's the kind of person you want to be dating.

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If you're in hot pursuit of someone, and you're constantly going on dates with a set game plan, dating starts to feel redundant. You become a dating robot who follows the same strategy with the same personality that ultimately gets you nowhere.

It's frustrating to end up back at square one each and every time with your expectations never met.

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Let someone come to you. It's much more flattering to have someone throwing themselves at you instead of the other way around.

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Trust me. Avoid feeling this sense of urgency behind finding the right person to be with. You shouldn't expect to have the right person waiting at your door when you want them to — unfortunately, that's just not how life works. Having life fast-tracked like this will only bring about this expectation that things need to happen at a certain time, and that any partner you find will never live up to this world you want to create. But no one is actually telling you that you need to meeting Mr.

Right by a expectation time. You are. If you're the type of person to feel connected almost immediately, it'll be hard to get rid of those feelings of attachment and dependency that come about as soon as you start dating someone. You gave yourself to someone and trusted them so expectation that when they didn't live up to their meetings, it was disheartening.

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What was the point of being so sincere to someone if they couldn't even hold up their end of the bargain, right? Well, unfortunately, it's not uncommon for someone to break a promise if you have them seated on such a high pedestal.

You've taken their words and made them into a bond that, in your head, is everlasting.

When you set these lofty expectations that cause you to already predict how your romance will fall into place, it's painful when it doesn't work out. If you stop holding onto these expectations, you can successfully close a chapter that may need to end and have a fresh start in your mind.

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Just rid yourself of expectations, throw away that godforsaken dating map of yours and avoid the heartache altogether. By Sean Abrams.

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